Morgan steak advert is hard to swallow

In a brave – if possibly misguided – move, podgy Piers Morgan has been unveiled as the new voice of M&S food.

But Axegrinder learns that the former Daily Mirror editor’s voiceover on the new TV advert (”I want my steak as thick as my chubby thumb”) has not gone down well with some members of Her Majesty’s Armed Forces, who are still not prepared to forgive the man who published pictures claiming to show British soldiers abusing Iraqi prisoners. 

Messages posted on the website British Army Rumour Service suggest Morgan may not give M&S sales the boost they were hoping for. 

One message reads: “[Morgan is] possibly the most hated man this side of the English Channel. I can’t understand why a retail company would employ the support of such an obnoxious creature whose resume includes the fine achievement of single-handedly alienating the entire UK Armed Forces.

“I will not have his name uttered in my living room. Just muttering his name within ear-shot is enough to set off my blood pressure. 

“I have instructed the long-haired OA that she is no longer to shop at M&S, and that I will consider increasing her shopping budget if she agrees to find alternative outfits in John Lewis or Debenhams, and to do the Christmas food shopping at Sainsburys instead. I’ve also written to M&S to inform them of their unfortunate choice of celebrity endorsement.”

Another contributor adds: “When did it become acceptable for this evil and slimy, pond-filth encrusted cretin to be seen in public?  

“Everywhere I go this goon’s arrogantly smug face is there gurning at me. It’s like the papers and TV producers are saying this … f***er is what we deserve to have rammed down out throats every day in print and on the goggle box.”

The message ends with an unorthodox suggestion for terminating Morgan’s broadcasting career but Axegrinder will spare Press Gazette readers the gory details. 


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