Notes from down table

Grey Cardigan: Mr Pot, meet Mrs Kettle

The Daily Mail's take on the Wayne Rooney affair:

Miss Wood, 23, a university lecturer's daughter, and Miss Thompson, 21, the privately-educated child of a wealthy oil company executive, have turned out to be flag-bearers for the celebrity-mad, lascivious culture that has consumed the nation.

And at the bottom of the piece?

Have you got a story on a celebrity? Call the Daily Mail showbusiness desk on 0207 938 6364 or 0207 938 6683.

Brilliant!

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