Dog watches dog 18.03.04

Trade mag or tit mag? Call hotline now

A letter drops through the kennel letterbox: Dear Dog, Is it just me, or is the tit count in Press Gazette getting worryingly high? Of course I accept that the Gazette has an interest in the circulation battle between Nuts, Knobs, Knockers, Zoo, Poo or the next soft porn lads’ mag to hit the shops.

But why splash the big boobs on the front covers every week? And on page three into the bargain! My young daughter picked up a recent issue of Press Gazette from the coffee table in an idle moment and leafed through it for a while.

She gave me a very funny look before walking out. I’m going to have to think seriously about putting it out of sight. Underneath the mattress, perhaps.

And as for that ad for TalkSport on page seven. I would call it cheap and nasty, but those words give it a dignity it scarcely deserves.

Can it be long before the ads for premium lines start? Next week in your super soaraway Press Gazette: My love-nest romps with five-times-a-night editor; Cub reporter turned into a lion in bed; Subs’ arses: pimply or chubby? You decide.

Bewildered of Belfast PS Maybe you could illustrate the letter with a picture of Jordan. The busty model, of course, not the country.

Dog is happy to oblige, Bewildered.

And Press Gazette will be running a series on “five-times-a-night editors” just as soon as it can find any.

Sun whizzkids get bovine inspiration

City hacks on The Sun obviously stung by last week’s Dog story which, tongue-in-cheek, suggested they used pins to decide which shares to tip, hit back by sticking a piece of paper between the horns of the editorial floor’s new plastic cow.

“Buy ITV,” said the scrawled message, signed “The City whizzkids”.

That was last Thursday afternoon when ITV shares had plunged to 125p as the stock market panicked following the Madrid bombings.

And indeed, investors who took the financial whizzkids’ advice would have been delighted when the shares rallied a penny or so on Friday.

Unfortunately, on Monday though, the shares, which a week earlier had touched 150p, slid further to 119.5p.

Of course, playing the stock market should be seen as a long-term strategy.

By the time you read this, investors could well be sitting on a tidy profit.

Family values give Boris a bit of bother

Hiring his sister Rachel to grace the pages of his magazine may have landed Spectator editor and British Press Awards Columnist of the Year Boris Johnson with an inquiry from the Press Complaints Commission.

The hackette was commissioned to do a piece on controversial former People columnist and author Dr Vernon Coleman, who has penned 92 books translated into 22 languages and whose fortunes are enhanced considerably by the fact that he cuts out the middlemen by publishing his own books.

In her waspish article, Ms Johnson takes a series of stinging swipes at Coleman who, she gasps, “must be making the sort of money most professional writers only dream of”.

Including, perchance, Ms Johnson? Coleman muses: “I don’t in the slightest mind Boris getting his relatives to knock off bits and pieces for his mag: a bit of nepotism goes a long way these days. But he should hire someone to check out what they write.

“I don’t mind criticism. But I prefer it if a hatchet job is informed and at least basically accurate.”

Listing what he claims are at least five serious errors in the piece, Coleman describes it as the “most pathetic piece of misconceived drivel written about me since 1979 when a local paper spelt my name three different ways in five paragraphs”.

He laments: “I suppose it goes to prove the old adage that if you play the smart-assed critic it helps no end to get your facts right.

“Which is why I have made a formal complaint.

He cost some dear but now Hutton’s as cheap as chips

It was the bombshell that brought down BBC bosses Greg Dyke and Gavyn Davies. But in the cold light of day, what’s the Hutton Report really worth? One hard-up lobby hack decided to find out, and supplement his income at the same time, by flogging his prized copy on electronic auction house eBay.

After a frantic five-day bidding war between two eager political anoraks, the 700-page blockbuster – complete with CD-Rom version – went for the princely sum of… £5.50.

The delighted buyer was even happy to pay the £6 postage on the weighty to me!

                                                                                                              Waiting for Andre

Piers Morgan may not have grabbed the top gong at the British Press Awards, but the rabid Arsenal fan did manage to get his hands on some silverware this week – here clearly counting his chickens with the Premiership trophy (still 10 games to go, Piers). Meanwhile, deputy editor Des Kelly, an equally fervent fan of Man Utd, who effectively dropped from the race this week, forces the kind of smile you can only muster if the man rubbing your nose in it is your boss.

 

Dog is just switched on enough to know that Peter Andre is once again back in the charts and the news, but the Scarborough Evening News seems to have taken things a bit far last week.

On Friday, “Chart-topper Andre on way”, headlined a front-page story about him coming to Scarborough to play a gig. Monday’s headline read “Chart-topper Andre on way”. Oops, Monday’s paper alright, but with Friday’s front page. “Still cost me the same and I couldn’t find my free

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