Dacre determined to cut a rug at the Mail

Word reaches me from Derry Street ‒ the headquarters of Associated Newspapers ‒ of a mysterious carpet stain which has appeared near the backbench of the Daily Mail, to the consternation of editorial high-ups.
My source informs me that editor-in-chief Paul Dacre spent some time staring at a huge stain on one of the grey weave carpet tiles and was shortly joined by two deputies, Alistair
Stewart
and John Stefal.

Then as the clock ticked away towards the deadline for the papers to be “off-stone”, Mr Editor wanted to know how the stain got there in the first place and when it would be removed.

Axegrinder can only assume this will happen soon, especially since the second floor, which is home to the likes of Metro, London Lite and the Evening Standard, has been recently re-carpeted and redesigned.

Talking about “floorism” ‒ if that’s not a word then Axegrinder will coin it ‒ Peter McKay, who writes the Mail’s must-read Ephraim Hardcastle column, was stuffed into a crowded lift en route to one of his many lunches when the lift stopped at the second floor to let more people in.

As more people from some of the freesheets boarded, McKay was heard to bellow: “We shouldn’t stop on this floor. They don’t make any money!”

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