Fleet Street’s amateur sleuths have come up with some increasingly bizarre theories about the death of Bob Woolmer.
Some of the first reports wrongly suggested that Pakistan’s cricket coach had committed suicide in his hotel room. Unfortunately, the latest round of frenzied speculation in the Sunday papers coincided with April Fool’s Day.
In true Mail on Sunday style, the paper’s investigation team of Dennis Rice and Sharon Churcher posed the question: “Did Woolmer die in fall after downing bottle of whisky?”
The Sunday Mirror’s answer to that question would be an emphatic “no”, judging by its version of events. “Bob Woolmer was poisoned by an ancient drug used by witches in the Middle Ages,” reported the paper’s crime man on the spot, Andy Gardner.
But rival News of the World hacks Lucy Panton and Ryan Sabey had their own ideas. They say detectives believe it is “possible the Pakistan team’s coach died of a seizure brought on by natural causes”. Worse still, the Screws’ police source adds: “There is no smoking gun.”
Oh dear. Does that mean that the press posse might have to leave their sun loungers and rum cocktails behind and head back to Blighty? Perish the thought and keep those theories coming.