April fools: oh, how we nearly laughed...

With the wit and sophistication of a gurning competition this morning’s papers waded into April Fools Day in typical style.

Although ferrets have been used in the past with construction work the photo of a blond ferret – complete with hi-vis vest and “ferrets at work sign” – could only mean one thing. The Telegraph gag story span a line about Virgin Media using the furry mammals to “bridge the digital divide between cities and rural areas” by laying cables for its broadband service.

According to The Sun, Scotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond has given permission to have a life sized Susan Boyle statue placed outside Holyrood. Boyle would be immortalised in bronze forevermore, along with her beloved cat Pebbles.

The Guardian‘s page three lead – penned by “Olaf Priol” no less – depicted Gordon Brown as a “sort of Dirty Harry figure” for a Labour Poster campaign with the slogan “Vote Labour. Or Else”.

The Daily Mail claimed the AA was about to start using a fleet of “Rocketmen Mechanics” who will launch themselves from the backs of vans to aid motorists that have come into difficulty.

“The jet-packs, which cost £42,000 each, are made of lightweight carbon fibre, have a top speed of 80mph, can reach a maximum height of 8,000ft and have a flying time of ten minutes.

“Most importantly they can hover up to 250ft above gridlocked traffic and drop down to a stricken vehicle in areas where a patrol van may not be able to get through.”

Don’t worry. A parachute is packed for emergencies.

But it’s not just the newspapers that are to blame. Appearing in The Daily Mail, The Times and The Metro was an ad for the ‘New Miracle Shirt’, which promises to instantly neutralise body odour.

With a tagline of ‘Goodbye Body Odour – Hello Ladies’ one could overlook it, but small print claims G.U.F.F technology was developed to magically make BO instantly disappear when worn.

The Mirror’s rather dubious story of a man being sent to prison for assaulting a security guard with a cheese sandwich has all the qualities of an April Fool’s gag, but might actually be legitimate.

To avoid any similar confusion the BBC has kindly highlighted the stories that could be phonies but are, in fact, real.

The Devon couple’s Flintstone-themed wedding in the Daily Mail, complete with “I yabba dabba do” is surprisingly genuine. As is, The Telegraph’s piece on the UK’s first sustainably-made cat food.

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